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Ineffective communication practices between parents and adult children of age 17 and above can affect the relationship and can be the prime reason for conlfict (Rossi and Rossi). There are various causes that result in the communication issues between parents and adult children, interpreted criticism, indirectness, and issues with the act of controlling and independence. The purpose of the paper is to discuss two of the causes that result in conflict situations between adult children and parents. The paper tends to discuss two causes of communication issues amongst parents and adult children. The two causes selected for the paper are issues with control and independence and interpreted criticism. The paper will present examples regarding each of the cause. The paper will be concluded by depicting the main points under the discussion of causes.
One of the main causes of communication issues between parents and adult children is an interpretation of the criticism received from parents. Criticism can reflect different meanings, which leads to the act of interpreting messages differently. For example, once in a dance class, an 18-year-old girl, Emilia was practising for the upcoming show in the presence of his mother and friends. After the full act, Emilia asked her mother about her performance, for which her mother replied as ‘you could do better’. The reply was purely based on the understanding of her daughter's capability, which led to the communicated message. Emilia was furious after listening to the response as she perceived it as a negative criticism about her performance. This example relates to the case from the text of Deborah, that families share a history, which leads to the understanding or interpretation of the tone of a message, which may not be correct at the moment. Similar to the example in the text of Deborah, ‘I did not criticize’, it can be deduced Emila’s mother’s reply was based on the expression for expecting improvements before the show (Tannen). The mother was asked for opinion, which she thought needs to be honest for a clear understanding before the show. The daughter’s interpretation could have been focussed on the ‘metamessage’ rather than concentrating in the ‘word meaning’. The underlying meaning or ‘metamessage’ in this case was to identify improvement according to her daughter’s capabilities before the show.
Another cause for communication issue can be the aspect of control and independence. In a family, parents tends to exert control over the children, which restricts their independence, as well as another case, can be the perception of children regarding the act of control by their parents. For instance, a girl Poppy was in the verge of graduating from her high school and was attempting to start her career as an influencer in the internet. Her father was completely against the decision and expecting her to be in the medical field as all of her siblings. Her father reflected a full plan of her career upto at least five years, which was only based on their expectations, her father’s reaction over her choice depicted the control he had over her preferences. Poppy was devasted after realizing the extent of control her father wants to impose on her choices of career and future life. The significant gap in communication about her career decisions and practice of imposing control and restricting independence by her father resulted in this incidence. In accordance with the quote of Deborah' text, ‘Don't call us..', this example also reflects the intention of exerting control over children knowingly or unknowingly. Similar to the text of Deborah, Poppy and her father reflected a conflicting opinion on the career choices.
Therefore, it can be concluded from the paper that causes of communication issues can be addressed for improvement by eliminating the perception from shared history and from avoiding the need to control decisions. Interpretation of criticism should not only based on the ‘word meaning’ but also in the ‘metamessage’. Concentrating on the tone and metamessage while communicating can stimulate the assumption of hidden reasons, which is merely false interpretation. The communication gap between the parents and adult children incorporates a sense of unsaid control over the preferences and independence of the children, which are expected out of responsibility towards their success, but plays a major role in causing conflict of choices and in relationship.
David-Barrett, Tamas, et al. "Communication with family and friends across the life course." PloS one 11.11 (2016): e0165687.
Guerrero, Laura K., Peter A. Andersen, and Walid A. Afifi. Close encounters: Communication in relationships. Sage Publications, 2017.
Rossi, Alice S., and Peter Henry Rossi. Of human bonding: Parent-child relations across the life course. Routledge, 2018.
Tannen, Deborah. I only say this because I love you: How the way we talk can make or break family relationships throughout our lives. Random House, 2001.
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